MIDDLEBURGH

MIDDLEBURGH - DEATH BY FAN

In the Matter of X61 Serial #:L3-EX237-07/07 (Deceased): Mr Perry, on behalf of the IT Department

My l'ud , members of the jury. I shall be presenting evidence to you in this case that the accused, Mr Middleburgh, was responsible for the most horrific death of the said PC which coincidently out of warrentee, in that he did not properly excersise his duty of care towards it whilst it was entrusted to him. In fact to the contary the chilling and cavalier manner of his negelect amounting to gross abuse makes this a most heineous crime on par with the brutal murders of bambi and Roger Rabbit.

I shall bring expert forensic testimony from the IT team who tried not once but three times to ressuciate the said PC.

• They will tell of the screen which was so dirty that that they had to use an industrial floor buffer to restore it and of the detritus removed which was officially declared hazardous waste by the appropriate authorities.
• They will tell of how they brushed and vacumed both identifiable and unidentifiable debris from under the keyboad recovering enough fibres and hairs to make a furball of sufficient size to choke a small cat.
• They will tell you how the fan finally succumbed to dust particles after months of wheezing and rattling like an old and exploited chinese coal miner with emphasyma.

Did the accused show contrition or remorse . NO !!! His only concerned was the recovery of his data insisting that the disc drive was ripped from the said PC, and transplanted into another victim. Like Frankenstein stealing body parts to make his monster!!!

I shall seek a fitting penalty comensurate with the seriousness of this offense. Nothing less than sending Mr Middleburgh down to the farm for an enforced "Extracorporeal Shock WaveLipolysis" treatment !!.....

The story behind the story

Over the last few weeks my thinkpad developed the dreaded IBM fan rattle. This is normally a prelude to a catastrophic system failure. (The most common reson for Thinkpads dying is apparently fan failure). So we play this game like russian roulette where we power the pc off/on wondering if it will die this time and if so how long since the last back up. Since I do backups weekly over the weekend on, friday's can get very tense!. Anyay it died over new year (before I had done a backup) and twice since, including this past weekend (although in this case just after I had finshed backing up)

The IS team refused to work their magic today pronouncing my PC a deceased Norwegian Blue Parrot. They did however peform open heart surgery and transplant the drive into a spare X61 that some ungrateful person (or leaver) had cast off so we are back in business.

And what's all this about Lipolysis you say ?? Well, yesterday I went to the Space Museum in Tsim Sha Tsui. This involved wandering around the MTR subway trying to find exit J during which I noticed several adverts for "Extracorporeal shock wave lypolysis". The first thing that struck me was that this was a mouthful even for native English Speaker, especially since we were in China. Secondly it reminded me of TV adverts on RTE in the late 1970's (oh happy days!!) for treatments for Sarcoptic Mange Mites.

Intrigued I researched further. Apparently in 2001, while the rest of the world was getting to grips with the aftermath of an Al Qaeda terrorist attack on the World Trade Centre in New York, a plastic surgeon Dr. Ami Glicksman was in Tel Aviv researching the feasibility of using external ultrasound to break down fat cells in pigs. And in 2003, when a US-organised coalition invaded Iraq looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction, a large multi-centre clinical trial with the external ultrasound device started in five sites in the USA, UK, and Japan, in which 137 patients underwent a single treatment. The results showed that on average a 2 cm reduction in circumference was observed post-treatment. Clearly a potent Weapon of Mass Destruction ie the coalition was looking in the wrong place !!!

Posted at 1/31/2011 10:47:00 pm by David Middleburgh   Permalink

|