To inform entertain and excite my kids, Jamie, Patrick, Aaron & Sarah Middleburgh, our family and friends.

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It was #2 son's birthday last Sunday .

I have always been amazed at the fact that he was born, albeit many year later, on the same day as my father. It was telling my father that he had a grandson with the same birthday that got us talking again (after a six year gap following my first marriage)

Anyway, I had the thrill of waking my son up in Ireland to ask him what he wanted for his birthday. Not a lot it seems... although he is between girlfriends. I can't help him there although I have noticed of late that when I am out and about, and I see drop dead gorgeous women, I do momentarily catch myself wondering whether I would approve if either of the boys brought them home.

It's a far cry from when Aaron was thirteen and we lived n Weston-super-Mare, and these abolute stunners aged between 15 and 16 turned up on the door step asking for him. It took me a while to realise that because Aaron then looked a couple of years older than his actual age the girls were using him as an escort to shield themselves from the advances of older more experienced boys. This is about the time when I started to worry (like my father) about "fathers" turning up on our door step to pursue paternity claims.

Aaron may not remember this, but at this time, on Tuesdays, I used to pick him up after school and drive him round the other side of Bristol to athletics training. One evening he got in the car all quiet and pensive.

So there am I hammering down the motorway at 80mph and I give him a sideways glance and say jockingly (like you do) " what's the matter .. girlfriend pregnant".

His jaw dropped as he turned to face me with a horrified look and replied in a shaking voice .. "yes".. (I not sure who was more surprised: me with his answer or him with the question)

I kept my eyes on road, gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, and drove on for a few minutes saying absolutely nothing, my mind racing . "nah he can't have .. he's too young" and so forth. I quickly concluded that the probability was remote and switched off my panic overdrive.

Without turning round to face him, I quietly said "just don't tell your mother" and carried on driving. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him shrink into his seat (difficult since it was a sports car with bucket seats) and go an even whiter shade of pale.

When we got to the gym he hopped out of the car like a "bat out of hell" and similarly when we got home he shot straight to his room like a rabbit with the hounds after him.

Just for the record he wasn't "the father" and to best of my knowlege still isn't one.

Anway to get back to Patrick and his birthday, it appeared he had been partying in Dublin the night before and had ommitted to get a card for Mother's Day ( in Ireland last Sunday) so I gave him the nod and told him slip out and get one before every one was up (Mind you I don't expect he did)

What else could I do - he had after all sent me a joke/puzzle earlier in the week and although it didn't appeal to my jaded sense of humour the gesture was appreciated (even if it was bounced by my spam checker).

Coincidently I got two other jokes in my email this week; (for me one in a week is about as rare as a Near Earth Object Collision Event rated 7 on the Torino Scale) However I found the contents somewhat disturbing

Joke 1: The long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be fully considered. Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research. It is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what to do with them.

Joke 2: Have you ever been guilty at looking at others your own age and thinking "surely I can't be that old?" I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new doctor and I noticed his full name on one of his certificates. Suddenly I remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same name who had been in my class some 40 odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a crush on way back then? Upon seeing him however, I quickly discarded any such thought This balding grey haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to be my ex classmate. But after the examination I couldn't help but ask him if he'd attended Morgan High. "Yes" he said with pride, "why do you ask?" "I think you were in my class" I replied. He looked at me closely and then asked "and what did you teach ?"

Marion Ferris and Ros LeighMay be something to do with the fact that that couple months ago I stumbled across a school reunion photo in which there were two ex girlfriends from when I was fifteen.

(Aaron/Patrick take due note and exercise extreme caution !!!)

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